


Ménage à Trois

by NoNamesFromCats



Category: The Addams Family (Movies), The Munsters
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Bad French, F/F, F/M, Funny, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, My First Fanfic, Silly, Threesome - F/F/M, Undressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 15:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14621786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoNamesFromCats/pseuds/NoNamesFromCats
Summary: As the black sheep of the Munsters family and now in her mid-twenties, Marilyn Munster has resigned herself to a life without companionship, but her luck starts to change when Morticia and Gomez Addams invite her into their boudoir. Will it be an evening of passion or a complete disaster?





	Ménage à Trois

**Author's Note:**

> My very first time posting a fic! This kooky crossover was inspired by watching The Addams Family movie for the umpteenth time and vague memories of the old black and white Munsters series. Hope you enjoy!

It was nearly midnight when the taxi pulled up the driveway to the dark mansion. The rusted gate swung closed behind them, hinges squealing. Marilyn gazed dreamily up at crooked eaves, shadowed glass and bats hanging from the bell tower.

"Miss, are you sure?" The cab driver gave her a worried look as he set her luggage on the front porch. Marilyn flashed him a quick smile with unfortunate white teeth and smoothed down her floral-print dress excitedly.

"Of course. Thank you."

"Suit yourself." The cabbie shrugged and sped away as fast as he could drive. Marilyn pressed the doorbell and waited while a deep chime tolled within the house.

The door opened a crack, seemingly on its own, before widening to reveal a large Frankenstein-like man in a butler's uniform. He muttered pleasantly to her.

"Hello Lurch!" she exclaimed and followed him inside.

The large foyer opened to a grand staircase winding its way up to the cavernous second floor. Marilyn breathed in happily--she loved this old house, and the occupants right along with it.

"Marilyn." A ghostly form greeted her from the top of the staircase. Morticia Addams with her long black hair and tightly-fitted black dress made her way slowly down the steps.

"Marilyn!" Gomez Addams turned a back-flip from a hidden compartment in the paneled wall and landed triumphantly in front of her, dueling foil in hand. He kissed her on both cheeks as Morticia joined them.

"How nice to see you again."

"Thank you so much for inviting me!" Marilyn paused, embarrassed as her cheeks flushed an unsightly shade of pink. "My Aunt and Uncle send their regards."

"How are Lily and Herman?" Morticia asked, her arms folded artfully across her chest.

"Wonderful. They only wish they could have come--"

"Marilyn!" She was interrupted by a stout boy in striped t-shirt, a hangman's noose draped around his neck. A girl with a black dress and her hair in two long, neat braids followed morosely after, holding a double-edged axe.

"You remember Wednesday and Pugsley." Gomez made a sweeping gesture towards the children. "And my brother, Fester." Marilyn felt a chill at the back of her neck and turned to find Fester Addams standing directly behind her, his bald head shining magnificently in the candlelight.

"Hiya!" He grabbed her hand and shook it maniacally, "Very, very good to see you again!"

"Thank you," she rescued her fingers and caught sight of the disembodied hand perched on Fester's shoulder. "Oh, hello!"

"Thing's been looking forward to your visit," Morticia assured her, as the hand waved to her.

"He was getting out of hand." Gomez quipped as he volleyed his foil from one hand to the other. He took a fencing stance. "Anyone for a duel?" he asked, looking around.

"Darling, it's late," Morticia interjected with a hand on his arm, "and I'm sure Marilyn must be tired, after such a long trip."

"Alright." He straightened up and drew Morticia to him. "Then, to bed!" He raised his foil in salute and kissed her hungrily.

Marilyn smiled wistfully and waved goodnight to their entwined forms as she followed Lurch towards her room.

 

XXXX

 

After everyone was locked and bolted safely into their rooms, Morticia and Gomez lay together, watching the spiders weave their webs across the four-poster canopy.

"It's good to see Marilyn again--" Gomez put out his cigar in the jawbone ashtray on the nightstand.

"Lily and Herman are still worried, poor things." Morticia blinked sympathetically. "They were so hoping she'd find her way in the world. But alas, she has such...obstacles to over come."

"It's not so bad." Gomez reflected. "She has a certain...charm..."

"...all that inner torment..." Morticia added fondly.

"... a sort of twisted beauty...if you can get past the blond hair..."

"...and the blue eyes..."

"...and see the inner darkness..." Their fingers twined together beneath the sheets.

"...and despair..." They locked eyes and drew closer, whispering breathlessly.

"There's something about her..."

"A certain _je ne sais quoi_..."

"Tish, that's French!" Gomez gave a strangled cray and began planting kisses up Morticia's arm.

"Darling, what do you think," she mused as he reached her elbow, "about a ménage à trois?"

 

XXXX

 

Her hair in curlers, Marilyn lay in bed listening to the howling from the next room. She sighed. How wonderful it would be to have a relationship like Morticia and Gomez. She envied them. Of course, she shouldn't expect something so perfect, It would be hard to find someone who could look past her platinum curls and warm complexion, her tendency towards pastels and living flowers. Last week she'd caught herself fawning over a kitten! Really, there might not be any hope for her at all.

 

XXXX

 

The next morning, Marilyn joined the family for breakfast at the rough-hewn kitchen table. In the kitchen, Grandmama shrieked amid steaming pots and bubbling cauldrons.

Half of the Munster's house could have fit in this one room, Marilyn thought as she squeezed in beside Fester. Thing tossed her a bowl from a shelf and she caught it one-handed.

"How did you sleep?" Morticia asked her, one of her hands clasped in Gomez's.

"Oh, Fine." Marilyn looked down as Mama ladled something bubbling and green onto her bowl. An ear floated to the surface. "It's so nice to have home cooking." she smiled.

"Do you cook?" The withered old woman grinned toothlessly at her.

"Oh, I try and help out Aunt Lily," she replied as she folded a black linen napkin across her lap, "I used to be quite good, actually. But lately, everything seems to be coming out wrong." She frowned. "Like last week, I was trying out a recipe for pig's eye stew--and I ended up with meatloaf!" The others at the table looked slightly sickened.

"That's too bad." Grandmama clucked her sympathies.

"We can't all be chefs!" Gomez popped a charred piece of hard-boiled egg into his mouth. "Now who's up for a round of golf on the roof?"

 

XXXX

 

After a long day including several rounds of rooftop golf, a duel between Fester and Gomez, and then between Gomez and Thing, and a tour of the backyard cemetery, Marilyn, Morticia and Gomez retired to the parlor.

"This has all been wonderful." Marilyn settled back into an overstuffed chair. She took a sip of coffee with a carefully-crafted aftertaste of burnt hair.

"Glad to hear it." Gomez had an arm around Morticia and a cigar in his mouth, and was puffing furiously.

"The house, the bottomless pit, the fresh graves. I hope one day to be as lucky as you two..." she trailed off, darting a glance at the couple on the sofa before staring morosely at her own pink fingernails clasped in her lap.

"But of course!" Gomez was staring into the distance, looking vaguely unbalanced.

Morticia, as serene as ever, set down her coffee cup. "Darling, I think it's time for bed." Gomez immediately leapt up and helped Morticia to her feet.

Morticia kept her hand in his as she gave Gomez a lusty glance, then held out a hand to Marilyn. "Would you like to join us?" As usual, there was barely a hint of expression in her voice.

Marilyn was shocked. Was she understanding this correctly? Gomez grinned at her, the cigar clenched between his teeth.

"I--um--" She was blushing furiously and glancing nervously between them. This is what she had wanted, wasn't it? To experience it first hand. "Yes!" she blurted, standing up, "Okay." She smiled nervously as they flanked her and steered her towards their bedroom.

 

XXXX

 

They sat drinking goblets of dark red wine, Marilyn and Morticia on the edge of the bed, Gomez on a bedside chair. They toasted to something in French, and hastily drained their glasses as Gomez started in on Morticia's arm.

"That's French!" He gasped, in between kisses.

Morticia turned to Marilyn, a trace of a smile on her blood-red lips, and kissed her full on the mouth. Her lips were cold and tasted coppery-bitter, like the wine but more so. Marilyn was entranced, shivering as Morticia's sharp fingernails brushed her neck.

Gomez had worked his way to Morticia's shoulder. She turned back to him and Marilyn watched awkwardly as the two fell down on the bed in a passionate embrace, fully focused on each other.

" _Mon cher_ ," Morticia broke from her kiss with Gomez. "Marilyn," she reminded him.

"Tish, that's--"

" _Bientôt_ ." Morticia put a finger to his lips to silence him and they pulled themselves upright. 

Morticia unbuttoned Gomez's shirt while Marilyn struggled with the many tiny buttons down the back of Morticia's dress. When she was finally freed, Morticia slithered out of the sheath like a snake, revealing a web of translucent lingerie and boned corsetry that made Marilyn feel absolutely frumpy.

Morticia turned to face her, skin pale as death in the moonlight. Marilyn felt another flicker of longing. Maybe one day her own complexion would lose its awful pinkness.

She took off her cardigan as Morticia deftly undid the front of her floral dress and Gomez busied himself kissing Morticia's back. Marilyn's dress fell to the floor, revealing her plain white satin bra and cotton slip. Morticia untangled herself from Gomez's embrace and guided him towards Marilyn.

"Gomez, darling, kiss Marilyn." Her gaze was steady on them as Gomez sidled up to her, still in his pants and undershirt.

"Uh." He threw Morticia a nervous glance and shifted slightly on his feet. Marilyn closed her eyes and pursed her lips in preparation. "Uh--maybe if you spoke French?" Gomez suggested.

"Um." Marylin racked her brain for her old high school French lessons. "Uh-- _je voudrais...aller...a la bibliothèque_ ?" 

Gomez looked pained. Morticia took charge again. With a flick of her wrist she pushed Gomez down into a chair, and giving him a sultry look, pulled Marilyn to the bed.

They began to kiss again, Marilyn shivering all over with the chilly embrace. Marilyn ran her hands over pale skin and began to kiss Morticia's neck. She felt the bed shift behind her, and Gomez reach around her to Morticia. She felt them pull together around her, kissing furiously. They pressed closer and closer, as though she wasn't caught between them.

"Um." This wasn't working out quite as she'd hoped. "Um." She grit her teeth and pushed her way free and off the bed.

Coming back to reality, the couple turned to her.

"Marilyn, we're so sorry." Morticia, gracefully rose to her feet. "You'll have to forgive us. It's our first time--"

"Right." Gomez stood sheepishly beside his wife. "Except for that time with the buccaneer in the Bermuda Triangle."

"And that time in the tar pits--" Morticia added.

"And I forget--did they ever find the Crowley brothers in that cave?" Gomez furrowed his brown.

"It's okay," Marilyn sighed. "I don't mind." She'd had a feeling it wouldn't work out.

"We haven't upset you?" Morticia looked concerned.

"No - I'm fine!" She grabbed her dress from the floor, quickly pulling her cardigan on over her slip. "Thank you--um, for a lovely evening." She did a nervous curtsy-like dip--where did that come from?--and fled back to her own room.

Once inside, she shut the door and sank onto the bed. She almost had to laugh. What had she been thinking? As much as she wished it were so, she simply wasn't in the same league as Gomez and Morticia. She didn't think she was cut out for that sort of adventure.

She listened longingly to the clank of chains and Gomez yodelling as things heated up again in the next room. Maybe one day, she thought as she heard a gentle knock at the door.

 

XXXX

 

"Thank you for everything!" Marilyn bubbled enthusiastically as the Addams family gathered the next morning to see her off.

"Of course." Morticia air-kissed both of her cheeks and Gomez merely waved to her from behind Morticia. But Marilyn was in too good a mood to fret about it. She kissed each one of the Addams's children (and Fester) on the forehead, hugged Grandmama and nodded to Lurch, who grumbled a reminder to say hello to her father for him.

She was almost at the door when Thing came to say goodbye. He was holding one of Morticia's headless roses, which he presented to her on bended finger.

"Thank you." She accepted it and kissed him on the wrist. She waved a final good-bye and was out the door to the waiting taxi before anyone had a chance to see her blush.

"Well." Gomez declared once everyone else was out of earshot. "It all seems to have worked itself out for the best. Even Thing looks happy."

"Yes darling." Morticia raised a subtle eyebrow at the blushing hand inching sideways along the banister. "You can always count on Thing to lend a hand."

 

 


End file.
